My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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