I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he fucked my hip out of place.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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