i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
