dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
