he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
