my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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