I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
