Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
be right there i have to get my cape
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
