Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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