I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
