ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
