when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
