chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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