She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
