The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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