i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
