I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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