I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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