Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
