You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
