Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
