Already got asked if we're dating
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
