If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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