I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
