Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
