Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
