gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How naked do you want me to be?
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