Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
