Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
