Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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