Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
