Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
