you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
