so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
