Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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