hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
