So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
