if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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