And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have aggressive nipples.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
