I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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