Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
