Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, he came in my armpit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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