i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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