look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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