i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
