From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
