i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
