My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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