im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
