So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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