The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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