I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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