i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
