So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fuck appropriateness.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
